The Third Annual Burrrrns Night Supper or Slange to the Pakora

On the Home page, it says—mistakenly—that there have been two great advances in the post-Foundation History of the Havewegotenoughs?. Even though many members, including the Club Historian, failed to recognise it at the time it occurred, there has, in fact, been a third—like the second (and just as momentous as the second), instituted by a Foreigner. What, I believe, made us a bit slow in this case to give credit where credit is due was that this foreigner was so very—so unbelievably—foreign—unintelligible not only to us but to our other foreigner as well (and even to our tame resident Cockerney). It was (as perhaps you might expect) our Other Foreigner who put his finger on the precise quality of This Foreigner’s foreignness, pronouncing it not merely primitive or barbarous, as the rest of us did (even our Cockerney, who, Lord knows, is barbarous enough himself), but exotic. “He is so exotic!” exclaimed our German, Volker Straub, memorably, of our Glaswegian, Jim (what else?) Harvey.

Where Straub gave us the Idea of Foreign Travel—to Berlin, Madrid, Prague, Perpignan and next, Newcastle—Harvey has given us the Idea of Celebrating at Hame and Burrrrns Night Suppers. He has taught us the Mysteries of, among other things, munchie boxes, atholl brose and ye olde haggis pakora. He has taught us the correct, anciente Squattish manner of addressing our meat, drinking from the communal silver (-plated) bowl and slangeing the pakora*. He hasn’t managed yet to teach us the anciente Squattish Cheeke. But he has shown us it at work, demonstrating—before our very eyes (and on this occasion without making us its victims), to the confounding of the most determined sceptic—that on it the Three Card or Indian Rope Trick has nothing whatsoever. How do you get an English pub landlord not only to let you bring your own supper into his pub but to warm it up for you and provide dishes and cutlery to eat with—while you sup and slange your ane atholl brose? Ask—or, better, watch—Jum.

*Cognate with pecora: “an extensive division of ruminants, including the antelopes, deer, and cattle” … and, of course, goats (but not cormorants)