HWGE 4th Annual Burrns Night

 
Friday 28th January was chosen by Jum McHarvey to be the HWGE Burrns Nicht, 2011. The tale is summarised in this email, posted by Wee John McLaw, three days after the event:

Ah doan’t know if anyone else’z coammented so far, kez I doan ge’ aal the emaiwls these dayz, but here wi goo:

[1] Thank you Jum for organising the Burns Neet again, which was brilliant, again.

[2] Thank you +one and all+ for a great bunch of laughs and fun.

[3] Although quite proud of my wee effort at a POYM, which was quite good for having been started that very afternoon, I really think the efforts of Ceilidh and Thompson (D, not D.C.) were completely brilliant, and in the spirit of the Bard hissel’. I think Thompson **just** edged it, in that I’m sure The Bard would have really appreciated a work entitled “Ode tae a Fairt”. [n.b. it later emerged that DT had not actually written it himself, and so Caley was awarded the Laurel.]
Walker’s effort was pretty good (again, for something being jotted doon before he left work for home that afternoon, no doubt). But Wells’s effort was – as ever – in a class of its own. He is not judged along with the rest of us, since it all obviously comes so easy and effortlessly to him: the Past-Master getting up to deliver another word-perfect jewel.

[By the way: when did the HWGE Burns' Neet turn into a POYTRY competition? I vote that next year nobody's allowed to enter their own poyms, and the competition will be for the best Scottish accent. This year's winner of course would be Adrian, beating off stiff competition from McWalsh and McVonStraub

[4] Finally I would to thank Jum again, this time, for curing my drink problem once and for all. From 0115 on Saturday morning, I spent the next 31 hours in bed, barely moving (I am not kidding. I thought that I’d contracted that other popular Glasgow delicacy, E-Coli). I have promised my puir wee boady that I will never again ever abuse it to that extent: Jum: next year ye’ll have to have a Teetotaller’s option — I see some kind of fairy-coloured plastic slange-bowl, wi’ a bonny bottle o’ Irn-Bru tae fill it wi’.
McLaw

 

The next email, coming from the Mister O’ Sairemennies Hissel, gives an idea of we had hangovers ranging from the serious to the near-fatal. bear in mind that there were only 15 people round the table:

 

Just incase you canny remember how much bevvy we consumed, i’ve just found the bag of empties that we remembered not to leave in the rat– good move eh?
1x 40 ouncer of bells
1x bottle athole brose (see wikipedia) (McJum’s recipe includes 6 egg whites for some reason, and seems to be 70% whisky)
1x bottle glenlivet
1x 3/4 bottle glenmorangie
1x 1/2 bottle Tescos finest whisky
1x bottle of adrians whisky mac
some of jooks rum
and at least 3 pints each of the finest beer
thats what i call a proper wee session! in a proper pub where you take yr own grub for a picnic and carry ins are the norm
are we all ready for a wee swally for adrians 64th next friday?

Jum

Jum disnae mention that he brought along three Haggis Pies (each 10 times the size of this one) , and Wellsy brough along one of his wee fruitcakes (weight: 2 stone). Thus each member was stuffed solid with food, into which all the whisky soaked, creating a concrete-like sponge, 40% Proof, which occupied the entire abdomen for the next 24 hours.

There was no highlight to the evening, because it was jist wan long highlight of banter, drinking, eating, and poetry recitation. Every member had to read oot a pome from Scotland’s favourite son, and all rose magnificently to the challenge. Some read out their own (or borrowed) creations, which can be seen in the next entry on the website.

The fun lasted until about 1.00am (apparently); see start of this entry. The last word goes, as always, to Wellsy:

Jum: A new record! ‘Never have so many been injured on one night of HWGE footie’ …..and the strange thing was, some of them weren’t even playing. I personally blame the ‘stay-at-homes’ who left us with the responsibility of drinking their share of the whisky….

McLaw